19^th January 2010

Introduction

My friend David lost his wife to cancer. His church asked him to preach. From personal experience he shares his insights and God's promises.

Rev Ted (EA) Curnow

We are Never Alone

Some time ago someone placed this advertisement in an American newspaper: I will listen to you talk for 30 minutes without comment for $5.00. It sounds like a hoax doesn't it? But the person was serious! Did anybody call? They sure did, and it wasn't long before this individual was receiving 10 to 20 calls a day. The pang of loneliness was so sharp that many were willing to try anything for a half hour of companionship.

Many of you have walked the path of loneliness before me. You've experienced the huge void left when your life's partner was promoted to glory. In Genesis 2:18 we read "And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.'" But now that bond, which was fused in heaven, has been severed by God. Some of you have shared your experiences with me and that has been of tremendous help. But this morning I'm going to share with you some of the things the Lord has taught me about dealing with loneliness over the last few months. I want to make it clear, though, that I understand loneliness can be the result of many of life's experiences. Here are just a few examples of people being separated from family, friends, society or even their country of birth-prisoners, the homeless, refugees, nursing home residents, men and women in the military, people who work in remote places and even those who serve the Lord in full-time work. They all face a common enemy, loneliness.

The dictionary defines loneliness as a person who is solitary, companionless, isolated or sad because they have no friends or company. The great composer Peter Tchaikovsky lamented, "None but the lonely heart can feel my anguish...". Loneliness can be such a destructive emotion. Our human efforts to control it can often turn around and bite us. For instance being in a crowd sometimes makes it worse and activity may drive it deeper until it suddenly explodes in our face. There is simply no other anguish like the consuming anguish of loneliness.

Firstly let's distinguish between loneliness and being alone. There are many instances of Bible characters being alone by divine intervention so that God could get their attention and they would listen to His voice without being distracted by the hustle and bustle of the world.

MOSES-
"One day Moses was tending the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, the priest of Midian, and he went deep into the wilderness near Sinai, the mountain of God. Suddenly, the angel of the Lord appeared to him as a blazing fire in a bush. Moses was amazed because the bush was engulfed in flames, but it didn't burn up. ‘Amazing!' Moses said to himself. ‘Why isn't that bush burning up? I must go over to see this.' When the Lord saw that he had caught Moses' attention, God called to him from the bush, ‘Moses! Moses!' ‘Here I am!' Moses replied. (Exodus 3:1-4)

ELIJAH-
"So he [ Elijah] got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel 40 days and 40 nights to Mount Sinai, the mountain of God. There he came to a cave, where he spent the night. But the Lord said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings19:8-9)

And don't forget, God continues to use this method to get our attention too!

So, being alone is not necessarily the cause of loneliness! Loneliness is that uninvited guest of the soul who cannot be banished by willpower. Where does that leave me now? Is there an example in Scripture of someone who had victory over loneliness that was not his own choice? The answer is a resounding, "Yes". It was, of course, Jesus, God's own Son. At Golgotha our Saviour experienced the most crushing loneliness in history. One of His own had betrayed him; the rest of His friends had fled, and even His own Father turned his back for some period of time. We can hear the utter agony of that moment as He calls out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46) There is no way that I could describe the incredible loneliness that must have descended on our Saviour as he bore the sins of the whole world. What I do know is that He had victory! Hence, Jesus is not only fully qualified to empathise as we battle feelings of loneliness, He also offers us victory. In my experience, and I don't claim to have achieved it yet, there are at least four facets to the "victory" process. The first two are practical helps that I will mention only briefly.

1. Someone writes, phones or visits. Having people make contact with us is important because it helps us feel loved and accepted. They are helping meet our need.

2. Write to, phone or visit someone else. Making contact with others is important because it turns our attention away from ourselves. We are helping meet their need.

The next two focus on our relationship with God.

3. Prayer

4. Reading Scripture

Scripture reading and prayer are almost inseparable. The Psalms abound in examples of two-way conversations with God. People question God; people argue with God; people even shout at God. Their words and God's responses have been recorded in Scripture for our instruction. It is in the Psalms that I have found so much guidance so I would like to share some of these with you.

Psalm 73:23-24 "Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny."
Isn't that fantastic! Whatever happens in my life God is still with me, He is holding my right hand. How much closer could I be to God? And, God's counsel comes from His word, so here is my link to Scripture. If I keep reading His word He will continue to lead me. This is not a new discovery, and I've known it for a long time. But suddenly, with loneliness peeping over my shoulder, God has given these verses new life.

Psalm 18:16 "He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters."
Loneliness can be treacherous, like deep waters. But here comes God's hand again, reaching down from heaven. He gives me hope and courage as I walk with Him, step-by-step, one day at a time.

Psalm 16:11 "You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."
This verse, in the context of the Psalm, is primarily about my relationship with God throughout eternity. But every human being is eternal! For the person who has not received Jesus Christ as Saviour, eternity is spent in a place of torment, separated from God. But for the Christian an eternal, joyful relationship with God begins at the moment of salvation. I might feel as lonely as a planet far away from the sun, unable to feel its warmth but in reality God has promised me the joy of His presence. No matter how I might feel, God has promised that nothing can separate me from His great love for me. When I place my hope in Him, I can count on Him to pull me back into a healing, life-sustaining orbit where the rays of His presence will warm me and illuminate the dark places of my loneliness.

When I am lonely I need an understanding friend. I can now see clearly who that friend is. It is Jesus. He is the One who faced total separation from God, and yet had victory. And He is my friend! He is your friend too!
"There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)

When I am lonely I need a strong friend who will go the distance with me. That friend is Jesus. If I keep my eyes on Him He has promised to be with me from start to finish. And, He makes the same promise to you!
"And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." (Hebrews 12: 1-2)

Let's finish with this thought-provoking poem by Roy Lessin...

God Will Not Fail You

There's not a promise
He's ever broken,
nothing's failed that He has said.
He will not forsake you,
like the sparrow you'll be fed.
He will not leave you alone;
God will not fail you,
He does not forsake His own.

Books David recommends

"Getting to the Other Side of Grief"  - Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse. By Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge

"Good Grief" by Granger E. Westberg